I met Todd Anderson the day he started at Welton Academy. I'd already been at Hell-ton a couple years. I didn't know, but I'd heard of Todd's brother Jeffrey. Everyone knew who Jeffrey was. Honor student, Dean's List every semester. Valedictorian when he graduated. Jeffrey's shoes left a pretty big void. I knew by looking at him. Todd wasn't really capable of filling them.

That wasn't a problem for me. I didn't really even know Jeffrey. But I knew it would be hard on Todd. Hard, because the teachers would expect Todd to live up to his older brother's standards. I knew they'd see "Jeffrey's brother" long before they'd see Todd, if they ever managed to see Todd at all. So, that first day, I kind of took him under my wing. had to. He was my room mate. That made me responsible in a way.

Maybe I resented it at first. He was so shy. So quiet. That was okay, sometimes. At least he wasn't loud and in my face all the time like Charlie. But the quiet was unnerving too, because sometimes I'd forget he was there, and I just wanted him to make some kind of noise so I'd remember I wasn't alone. But that's just the way he was, and after a while, I guess I got used to it, because I started noticing that the quiet was different, if he was there or if he wasn't. It was empty, when he wasn't there.

We had a lot of our classes together. Mr Keating's class stood out, for a lot of reasons. Keating had a way, I don't even know how to explain it, but he had a way of grabbing us by the throat, and reaching the still and quiet parts of us. Each one of us, who was in his class. Like he knew us, like he was part of us. One of us. I really don't know how to describe it.

The first time he tried to make Todd talk in front of the class, I was mad. I felt angry, because I thought he was picking on Todd. Todd's not like other kids. He can't even read something out loud that someone else wrote. Like from a text book, or a poem. He just can't do it. Todd's not like that. He's shy. He doesn't trust himself or his voice or anything. His parents did that to him. Walking in his brother's enormous shadow did that to him.

The picture he has on his desk in our room, his parents are hugging his brother. Jeffrey's between them. Todd is off to the side like an after thought. The heir and the spare. Something like that. Like he's not really part of the family. Like he's only in the picture because he had to be. They gave him the same desk set for his birthday ever year. Because they didn't care.

I'd say it's their loss, except by robbing themselves of Todd, they robbed Todd too. because he really doesn't have parents. Not the kid who love and protect and cherish their children. At least my parents, I know they love me. They stifle me, but that's how they love me. At least they don't shove me to the side. Maybe they would, if I had an older brother like Jeffrey. If Nick had lived, he would have been the son they wanted. Not the son they got stuck with.

Todd doesn't deserve that. He's such a wonderful person. He's beautiful, really. He's...He's just Todd. The way they treat him should be a crime. I'd prosecute them. I'd find them guilty.

I think the first time I really heard him speak up was after I got the flyer for the play. Midsummer Night's Dream. I was going to act. Todd tried to talk me out of it. He knew my father would be upset. Upset. Right. No. Todd knew my father wouldn't allow it. And he knew it was wrong, how I insisted on doing it anyway. He tried to reason with me, but I could see in his eyes how he hated to try to be the voice of reason. I knew deep down, he wanted me to do it. He knew it was my dream, and this was my chance.

After the play, when Father led me away, I couldn't look at Todd. I couldn't see the hurt I knew was there. Because I'd failed him. I'd let him down. I'd never been more alive than I was on that stage, but by doing it, I failed him. Completely.

Father told me I was going off to Military School the following morning, and I knew I'd never see Todd Anderson again. And as I sat there, I knew I had lost the only thing I had ever known that was worth living for. I tried to speak up. I tried to tell him, he never asks what I feel. What I feel. How could I tell him that what I felt was love? True love, love for another man.

I wrote my verse that final year at Welton. And as Father led me away from Todd, my song ended.

Tags: elite muses

Neil Perry, 17, exemplary student at Welton Academy takes his own life

Using his father's hand gun, Neil Perry, 17, shot himself in the head. The bullet lodged in his brain, killing the young scholar on impact. Neil recently withdrew from Welton Academy, after performing in a play without parental consent. Mr. and Mrs. Perry declined to comment. Welton Academy officials expressed grief and sorrow for the death of Neil Perry, and declined further comment.


Not much, to speak of, is it? You may be wondering, who is that boy, that Neil Perry? Or maybe you forgot the name before you'd even finished reading the obituary. I wouldn't be surprised. It seems like it's more about Welton Academy than it is about me.

I'm Neil. Neil Perry. I was raised an only child, after my brother Nicholas died. He had cancer. He was seven, I was three. I don't really remember him. I remember he used to read to me. I'd crawl into bed with him, and he'd read to me. And then one night he wasn't there, and I remember when my mother said he wasn't coming back. I didn't understand.

Most of my life, my whole life, really, is highlighted by phrases like "I want you to have opportunities I never had" and "You're going to be someone important, Neil." My favorite is "Do you know how lucky you are?" Am I lucky? What is lucky, exactly? Because I doubt lucky is having your father breathing down your neck all the time, forcing you to take this class and that class, forcing you to prepare for a medical career. A doctor. Yes. He insists I'm going to be a doctor. His folks were too poor to send him to medical school. That's one of those opportunities he didn't have.

No. Lucky was getting Todd for a room mate. Todd needed me. He was so scared. Scared of his own shadow. The other boys at Welton would have eaten him alive. The teachers would have devoured him. He wasn't like his brother, Jeffrey. Jeffrey was a couple years older, but everybody knew Jeffrey Anderson. He could have been Welton Academy's poster boy. Maybe he was. He was out going and popular, valedictorian, the whole deal. Kind of makes you wonder, then, how he had a brother who was afraid of his own shadow.

I can guess. I wanted to help Todd over come his shyness and self doubt. Reassure him. He wasn't the nobody his parents allowed him to think he was. His quiet demeanor complimented my outgoing personality. I kind of took him under my wing, you know. And it felt good. it felt right. I felt important, because Todd needed me.

And, you see. I needed him too. I think that's what hurt the most, when Father took me home that night after the play. Knowing I'd never see Todd again. That's what I couldn't deal with. That's why...I know everyone thinks it's the play. I was never more alive than when I was on that stage. But it wasn't only that. I could act, after I got through Military School, like Father wanted. Maybe I'd even be the doctor he so desperately wanted. Eventually I could have found a way to act again. So no. It wasn't that at all. It was Todd. Leaving Todd.

I didn't even get to say goodbye. The last time he saw me, my father had his hand on my neck, leading me away like a disobedient puppy. The last I saw him, he looked...broken. Defeated. Alone. Terrified, as he'd been that first day....Consumed by his brother's shadow. I left him. I let him down. I failed.

Neil Perry
Dead Poet's Society
615 words
Comments/RP welcome.
X-posted: elite_intros, talking_intros

Tags: intro

1. Title / Prompt: Darkness Falls /003: Picture Prompt 2
2. Character: Neil Perry (with Todd Anderson)
3. Warnings: PreSlash
4. Pairings: None
5. Your character's fandom: Dead Poet's Society
6. Word count: 586
7. Rating: Average
8. Disclaimer: Not mine. But! My mom's cousin filmed the movie!
9. Notes: Neil and Todd in their dorm. At night. Dedicated to Ticcy. Because Ticcy is love.
10: Beta: ticcyyy
11. Comments, suggestions, and RP are welcome and encouraged.

"I think if I ever wanted to escape," Neil Perry said thoughtfully, "I wouldn't do it in the snow."

"What are you talking about, Neil?" Todd Anderson tilted his head up on his pillow. Neil was sitting on the window ledge, his forehead pressed against the glass. Todd shifted and pulled up to set his hands on the ledge and looked out at the moonless night.

The only light came from a street lamp just below their room. Across the paved drive way, two sets of footprints led away from the dorm. Todd couldn't be sure, but he thought Neil seemed a bit forlorn. Like he wished those foot prints were his.

"I'm just saying…" Neil started, but didn't finish.

Todd dropped back onto his bed. "You're crazy," Todd said, but he was smiling in spite of himself. Neil was crazy, but that was part of the reason Todd adored him so much. He was practically Todd's total opposite, outgoing where Todd was shy, full of laughter when Todd was quiet. "Where would you go, anyway?" Todd asked, his voice dropped to a whisper.

"I don't know. Away, I guess." Neil shrank back from the window, away from the glow of the street light, and Todd could only just see the outline of Neil's face silhouetted in the darkness of the room.

And then, nothing. The street light went out. Total blackness. He couldn't see Neil at all, or even his own hand in front of his face.

He heard Neil moving, heard him settle on his bed with a sigh. Todd closed his eyes and tried to picture Neil in his head; he'd seen him sleeping many times, and if he could just focus on that image, he could convince himself he wasn't scared.

He'd always been afraid of the dark. He remembered when he was about four, when his family was in the apartment waiting for the new house to be finished, and they were near the airport because his father was traveling a lot. He and Jeffrey had to share a room, and Jeffrey convinced him the rotating warning light for the airplanes was an alien light, and the aliens were coming to get him. Coming to get Todd, of course, not Jeffrey.

Jeffrey had ridiculed him mercilessly about his fear of the dark, and in the darkness of his room with Neil, all he could see was his brother's leering face, taunting him.

*~*~*~*~*

As soon as the lights were off and all was quiet, Neil became aware of the uneven hitch of Todd's breathing. "Todd?" He whispered, head turned on the pillow even though he couldn't see the other boy just five feet away from him.

"Todd?" he said again when there was no response. One another audible hitch in breathing.

And then, a soft, quiet voice; "I-I-I'm a-afraid-d of the-the dark."

Neil frowned at the stutter that affected Todd's words. Todd didn't often stutter when they were alone. Neil chastised him for it and refused to talk to him until Todd got himself under control.

This was different; however, and Neil knew Todd needed reassurance, not admonishment.

Neil. didn't speak. Didn't seek to reassure Todd with words. He pushed his blanket off his legs and slithered across the small gap between their beds. Todd squeaked as Neil's body pressed against his, moving into the bed, legs curling against Todd's under the covers.

"Don't be afraid, Todd," Neil whispered. "I'm here." His hand snaked up to smooth the hair from Todd's forehead.

Tags: license artistic

You have reached...Neil Perry. I'm not in...avaialable right now. Leave a message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Tags: voice mail

1. Title / Prompt: Merit / 005: First
2. Character: Neil Perry (with Todd Anderson)
3. Warnings: None
4. Pairings: None
5. Your character's fandom: Dead Poet's Society
6. Word count: 372. 38 from script (in italics) 340 original
7. Rating: Average
8. Disclaimer: Not mine. But! My mom's cousin filmed the movie!
9. Notes: Neil and Todd's first day at Welton together. Continuation/Elaboration of scene from movie
10: Comments, suggestions, and RP are welcome and encouraged.

"Todd, if you're gonna make it around here, you've gotta speak up. The meek might inherit the earth but they don't get into Harvard. Know what I mean?" Neil watched Todd nod. Anger and frustration toward his father welled in him. "The god damn bastard!" Neil growled, glaring at the door.

He retrieved the yearbook achievement pin he'd thrown, after his father left, after his father informed him he was not going to be the annual editor after all. Just one more bid to try to control Neil's life. Neil thought bitterly, the man seemed to control everything but the beat of his heart, and that wasn't for lack of trying.

He glanced at Todd, his room mate, and the picture Todd had unpacked. His parents, with arms around his brother, and Todd standing a bit apart. As if he didn't belong. Neil Perry knew that feeling well. Todd's brother Jeffrey was legendary at Welton Academy. Neil was thankful he didn't have that kind of pressure to live up to. And there were no brothers younger than him to look up to him. Being an only child was both a blessing and a curse.

Todd's eyes reminded Neil of a raccoon. In a trap. Skittish and scared, and desperate enough to chew his own leg off. Welton would eat him alive. If he hadn't been so focused on his own misery, Neil might have felt sorry for him.

Neil shifted the pin in his hand, set the metal against his thumb. His expression remained neutral, unflinching, as he pierced his skin with the sharp point of the merit pin. Beside him, he could feel Todd's reaction. He didn't have to look, to know Todd flinched.

A trickle of blood dripped off his thumb, and Neil pulled back to look at it. He raised his thumb, turned it and titled it, analysed it from every angle before putting it to his mouth. He sighed and tossed the pin up with his other hand, caught it easily, then drew his hand back and let the pin fly. It clanged pitifully against the surface of his desk, and Neil flung his arm over his eyes as he flopped back on his bed. "God damn it!"

Tags: license artistic

Stolen from miami_nvrcloses

Here are a series of questions for your pup to answer about my pup. Answer them from your pup's perspective.

This is open to all pups from hearts_andminds and grand_cntrl_stt


My name:

Where did we meet?:

Take a stab at my middle name:

How long have you known me?:

( More Questions! )

Tags: meme

From here

Neil gasped and rocked hard against Erik's hand. His eyes fluttered with a spasm of pure delight. "No...gloves," he murmured. He didn't mind the gloves Erik wore any other time, but when Erik touched him like that, he wanted to feel the heat of his flesh.

Tags: erik